Thanks for checking out my blog. I randomly decided yesterday that I was going to set up a webpage and blog which documents my dating life in Sydney, Australia.

My aim is to of course to find a husband to settle down, get married and have children.

I am 32, and have had this aim for the last 4 years or so, and yet it is proving more difficult than I ever imagined. The problem isnt meeting men to date, I go on at least 3 dates a month, it just never works out and I find myself in this vicious cycle of dating men, investing my time and it all falling apart.

It has come to drastic measures. I am going to try every possible genuine and legitimate way of meeting men and seeing if I have any success…

to start here are my ideas to get started (not necessarily in this order):

5. LUNCH/DINNER FOR 6 or 4 (there are a few different organisations out there)
9. APPROACHING A STRANGER IN A PUBLIC PLACE  (bus stop, shopping centre, on the street?)
10. IN A PARK (whilst walking my dog perhaps)

that should create plenty of opportunities for me to meet men, go on dates and then I can tell you all about them! Hopefully Mr Right is out there!

The aim is to get married within 2 years from today.
More later

First let me say that in previous years I have used RSVP and Eharmony. RSVP I found to be disappointing as in short (and forgive the generalisations but this was my experience):
1. People I met did not look like their picture 
2. People lied about their age, and then confessed on the date;
3. People lied about their factual circumstances (eg. whether they have children!)
4. People lied about where they lived (one guy had “Sydney” in his profile and said to me that Wollongong is practically in Sydney!)
5. Some people aren’t even single!

After this experience I will not go back to the site.

E-harmony actually resulted in a 1 year relationship for me. The guy was wonderful, but he was transfered to the Philippines for work and we couldn’t survive the long distance relationship. When this ended (October 2010) I thought I might try eharmony again in 2011 which i did for 3 months. I had about 3 dates from it, but alas none of the men were suited to me. The site has a “guided communication” way of meeting people or by mutual agreement you can go straight to emailing -its slow, inflexible and tedious at times.  After my 3 months I was over it and cancelled my membership. 

So this time I have decided to start this journey with posting a profile on a few internet dating sites and see what comes of it. The question is which ones?
These three have come to mind…
1. Oasis Active
2. Spice of Life
3. Match.com 

I will set up a profile now and lets see what happens eh?

PS because I have dated on the net before I am wiser…i know the tricks! Like
– is wearing sunglasses (we all look hot in sunnies!)
– is wearing a baseball cap/hat (hiding the face)
– is standing in the distance (usually in front of a tourist attraction) “see how worldly I am”
– has taken a black and white glamour shot
– has his shirt off


So I set up a profile on 3 different sites.
I must say that one site is heaps better than the other two. Here is a brief run down..

1. Aussie Matchmaker
The site is promoted as a ‘free’ dating experience which is a half-truth. Once you join you realise that you have to pay to be able to send messages to people. Winks are free, but limited to 5 a day, and then there is this complex requirement to verify your identity by taking a photo of yourself and sending it to them with a code. I suppose it weeds outs the scammers – but geez what a hassle.
I have had plenty of winks but those people are not members they are just “trial members” like me because they haven’t paid either. So we are stuck in a vicious cycle of sending winks to one another but nothing else! silly!
Having said that I received a nice email from a man who wants to get in touch, his profile reads well and I have written back and said lets chat. So that is something.

2. Spice of Life
Profiles are great  – give lots of detail, but you have to pay to be a full member (6 months $55) and there is no chat section. I get the feeling that the site is not very popular. I have had a few messages but from older gentlemen…I am going to shut down this profile. This site is not for me.

3. Oasis Active
Now here is the success story! what a fantastic website. Profile’s are easy to view, give good detail and there is a nifty option to hide some pics and only let certain people seem them. I checked my account yesterday and there were 12 contact requests. So I reviewed them and accepted 8 of them. Then I was chatting to one of them who was online at the time. Was great – and might I add, totally free. I can see this site helping me on my husband hunt! 


Today I had my first date since setting up this site I met him online yesterday (Saturday) we were chatting on Oasis and exchanged numbers. He sounded like a typical Aussie nice guy. Details:
Works in IT
Lives in Forrestville (about 20 mins from me)
no kids, not religious
photos on the site varied with him doing activities. He looked like a normal person,

This morning I get this text message:

“Hi, Matt here from Oasis. Have a good night last night? Would u like to meet up for a coffee later this arvo? maybe one of those cafe’s near St Ives shops?”

So I write back:
“Hey Matt yes had a fun night and managed to take home some winnings too! Happy to meet for coffee.Say 2ish. which shops at St ives?”

We then have some to-ing and fro-ing about the location and decide he will come to my suburb and we will take my dog for a walk and get a coffee to drink at the local park.

We arrange to meet at 11.30am.

As this was a casual morning date I was thinking that means little-make up. So I wear jeans and a top and minimal make up. I quickly read his profile before I leave and notice that he is quite sporty.

We meet at 11.30, he is on time. My first impression is that he is bald and short. He has a nice smile though. We have a cheek kiss greeting. He buys me a coffee  (we like it when they pay!). We walk to the park. He dominates the conversation by telling me about his ex girlfriend and some of the horror girls he has met off the internet. This might have bothered some people (all that talk about ex’s) but i didnt mind the stories. We get to the park and chat easily (by that I mean he talks about himself)…
As he talked I realised that we didnt have anything in common and he was rather dismissive of my dog. There was also no chemistry. Perhaps he was nervous, he didnt ask me many get-to-know-you type questions.

After about 30mins we walk back to the shops I am thinking that i need to shut down the date so I say: “Where did you park?” and he said “back there” meaning we had walked past it. So I said “Ok nice to have met you, see ya” and I wave goodbye and walk away…. I then escape around the corner.

All in all, I am disappointed that he wasnt better looking and his personality wasnt compatible with mine to warrant me seeing him again. He is a nice person – but not for me.


I met Rocco on Oasis Active on the weekend. On Monday we arrange to meet for a drink on Wednesday at 7.00pm at City Extra Parramatta. I left work at 5.30 and went home to get ready. I leave home at 6.15pm to give myself 45 mins to make a 30 minute trip.

I arrive at Parra at 6.45pm and park the car. Here is what I knew about my date:

Nationality: Italian

Age: 32

Lives in Castle Hill

Works for a company that deals with relocation of businesses and had been there for 8 years.

Never married, no kids

Good sense of humour (we chatted online for a few hours)

Nice looking (well if he looks like the photos he posted)

Whilst I sit in my warm car waiting for the time to pass I look at my phone and realise I have a message from him. This is verbatim what it said:


“Hey KC I just left work. What time did we say. It’s very windy and cold – did you still want to meet up?”

I write back:


“I am on my way! You can’t cancel now!”

He then calls me and I pretend that I am on my way, when in fact I am actually there (as I didn’t want to seem too keen!)

We have a conversation to the following effect, and allow me to refer to him as Idiot- Boy (“IB”):

ME: Where are you?

IB: I’m at home.

ME: I was driving with the radio on so I didn’t hear the message come in.

IB: where are you?

ME: I am on Windsor road, about 15mins away from Parra.

IB: can you come to Castle Hill?, I don’t know Parramatta at all.

ME: Then why did you agree to meet here?

IB: I didn’t want to and suggested other places but you didn’t listen.

ME: what other places? You said Castle Hill, I said it has to be half way between our houses, one needs to make effort to go on a date you know. You agreed to Parra. Do you know the Westfield we can meet there if you prefer?

IB: well, ah yeah I kinda know it. I suppose I can leave now, but I will be about 30 mins. I don’t want to keep you waiting…

[Note: I was actually already waiting! But he didn’t know that]

ME: Look if you want to leave it for another time we can do that.

IB: Great can we do that? It’s cold too.

ME: ITS COLD!!!!!! ???? I AM THE ONE WHO HAS LEFT HOME ALREADY! DESPITE THE COLD I HAVE MADE THE EFFORT. Let’s leave it for another time then and when I say another time I mean ‘never’.

IB: really? Why? Oh. Sorry. Wait. Can you do a U turn and go the other way on Windsor road and there is a pub on the corner… that is about 5 mins from you at Baulkham hills.. I’ll meet you there. Please?

(damn my lie about being on Windsor road!)

ME: How long will it take you to get there?
IB: 10 Minutes?

ME: OK, but damn boy you have to make this up to me, as it’s a hellova way to start a date.

I was shitty the whole way there but nonetheless I drive to this dodgy pub in Baulkham hills the Bull and something?

I get there and there he is in the parking lot. I do not give a warm greeting, instead I offer a fake smile.

He was nice looking, but I just couldn’t get past the “its very windy and cold” text message… I mean OMG! This is “No Idea Guy”.  FANCY wanting to cancel like that?

So I decided that he was not off the hook. He bought me a coke and then I let him have it!
I told him that I went home, showered, changed, straightened my hair, did make up, played with and fed my puppy and drove to this date. If he wanted to reschedule he had all day and since Monday when we organised the date to reschedule. I told him “it’s poor form to treat a girl that way” and that he was deemed “unreliable”. He was very apologetic and was feeling somewhat embarrassed about his conduct.

I noticed there were poker tables set up in this pub.

I made some enquiries and decided to play. I told him to join in but made sure we were at separate tables. It was free to play. After about 30 minutes I was over it, I played loose and went ALL IN on AQ and I get called by KK and I lose. So I look for the exits… IB sees me so I wave goodbye and get the hell outta there.

What an utter disaster.

Note to Self – try and make future dates close to my residence to avoid this happening again.
Will any of these dates get to Date 2?

THIS DATE: 2.5/10



Friday night was a date with Nathan who I met on online on Oasis Active. Here is some background on him:
– 40
– Works in Marketing
– lives in Redfern
– no kids, never been married,
– Aussie
– outgoing

His profile was outdated as it talked about New Years Resolutions for 2010. So this told me that he had been on the site for a while. We chatted for a few hours online before we set up the date, my impression from those conservations was that he was quite artsy and mature and he seemed to have a good sense of humour. He didn’t want to call our date a “date” he said it was a “catch up non date” as he asserted there is too much pressure on the first date. He also insisted that we go to a restaurant and not not just haver a ‘drinks’ date. I was reluctant, sitting through a meal with someone I had no interest in was always a big no-no for me – I like the initial drink so I can make a quick getaway if need be and not Waste My Time! he insists that we go some place to eat as “you have to eat right? My shout ! and you can pick the restaurant?”  So I said OK.

I chose a small Turkish place in Surry Hills that used to be my local. The Hummus there is to die for – its got to be the best Hummus in Sydney. So thinking about that Hummus I say yes if we go to Erciyes then I would be happy.

Friday lunchtime I was feeling optimistic, I log on to Oasis to read his profile again and note the following:
Body Type: Muscular
Height: 175cm
Smoking habits: Never
Drinking habits: Socially

His profile mentions alcohol a fair bit…which i thought was rather odd… So I thought it was something to watch out for.

About 4.00pm he texts me to say he has made a reservation for 7.30. I said “OK, Great”. He said, we should meet before hand for a drink. I wasn’t keen and said that we should just meet at the front at 7.30. He then texts back to say he has moved the reservation to 8.00 so we can have a “casual drink” before? I thought it was weird but said OK.

I leave work at 5.30, go home shower, dress, straighten hair, make up, and feed my dog. Its 6.30pm I am about to leave when he calls me to chat. The Conversation goes like this:

Nathan: Hi just thought I would ring you to make sure that you, are a real person.
Me: Hi yes! I am real and I am just about to leave.
N: I don’t suppose you want to come and pick me up?
Me: Um well… I don’t know Redfern that well… and I don’t know you at all. I would prefer to just meet there.
N: We just had a few drinks at work..and so I figured since you are driving anyway u could swing by and pick me up?

he sounded very chatty. I agree to pick him up at a place I know. That phone call made me a bit nervous, he sounded quite tipsy!

So I get to the meeting place. A nervous wait. He arrives.

He is short and ….BIG… not Muscular Big, but Overweight Big. He sits in my little car and I feel us sink (or was that my heart?). Damn! He doesn’t look like that profile pic at all! We drive to the restaurant and he says “let me pop into the bottle O” He buys a bottle of Red.

When I see his face in the light I notice he has a few chins and a red face! hmmmm not my type.

We order and have the wine or should I say he had the wine (i had one glass because I was driving) I had no real understanding of his conversation as I was so distracted by this twitch he had going on with the left eye, which got progressively worse the more he drank. I think its fair to say that his face was as red as the beetroot dip in the entree! by the end of the meal he was rather drunk.

After we ate, I was dying to get out of there. I see a waiter and say “can we get the bill please?”
the bill comes and he pays!!! (Yay!)

On the way out I get some take away Hummus and a Pide bread (so the whole date wasnt a total write off!). He asks for a lift home and since it was so cold and he paid for dinner and the wine I agree. On the way home he starts pointing out all these furniture places and trendy shops, he keeps waving his finger in my line of vision, and rambling out crap – which was really annoying me. I drop him home and say “see ya” he gets out of my car, i lock the doors and speed away.

Nathan is not for me, not only because of the drinking, twitch, red face, the multiple chins, and his physical appearance but because we really didn’t have much in common.

So that was it. Another crappy date.


RATE: 4.5/10 (he did pay for the meal)

I have grown wiser since I started hunting for a husband. Tonights date was the ultimate no effort date on my part. Date was with Adam here is a brief profile:
– 32
-owns a furniture removalist company
-rides a motor bike
-brown hair, blue eyes, good looking
– lives Northern Beaches

Yesterday we chat on Oasis and he is keen to meet at a venue that I can nominate. So I pick the Pymble Hotel, at 6.00pm on Monday. I can leave work at 5.45 and be there on time in my work clothes.

At about 5.00pm he texts me when he is leaving home, and I confirm I will see him there. I arrive first. I consider ordering a drink, but then decide against it, as I want to be able to sip the drink depending on how the date is going. Drink fast if its a disaster (so I meet the brief of ‘a drink’), drink slow if I want the date to turn into dinner…

He arrives on time, wearing a leather jacket and carrying a motor cycle helmet. I instantly notice the facial hair, a neat trimmed moustache and beard..he has a scruffy looking bad boy appearance…and yes i like the ‘bad boy’ type…but this is a husband hunt! bad boy isn’t husband material, he’s play thing only! Damn!
First impression is that Adam is good looking. Now that was a good start.

We sit and he looks at the menu and he says “we gonna eat?” I suggest we get some wedges to munch on. He says I’ll have a pineapple juice. Then he just sits there…the penny drops i say:
“I’ll get this, since you drove all this way”. They didn’t have any pineapple juice. He chooses Orange instead. I order a Coke. He tells me to order the wedges with the melted cheese and bacon them. I pay for the order and get us some cutlery.

We sit by the fireplace, and his phone rings. He answers it. Its a job of some sort… he chats to them for about 8 minutes, I get my phone out and play solitaire while i wait. He says “sorry its a round the clock job”. Hmmmm thats not a good thing.

He begins to tell me about his life… he is from a divorced family, his dad was never there, he always felt the absence of his father and knew he didn’t want to be like his Dad. He worked in investment banking for a few years, but found it very stressful and so he quit to set up a dot.com company which failed.  Then he started his own removalist business and “I make about $150K so I’m doin alright” (notice how he just slipped his income in there? I’m thinking buddy I paid for those wedges you are scoffing down and that juice! aren’t you going to ask me any get-to-know you questions?) he goes on to tell me how he is looking to change his job again as he has a knee injury. I question why he would give up an investment banker job to be a removalist? he said:

I find the job really rewarding you know, i help people move from one phase of their lives to another. Sometimes they just bought their first home and are all excited, other times they have a failed business and have to move to smaller premises. It’s really interesting i feel like I really help these people…

OMG?! Really help these people? You’re the Removalist Buddy not the Therapist. They don’t give a shit about you, you’re the dude they pay to move their junk, I don’t know anyone who opens up to the removalist guy? I don’t want to be a snob, but I mean come onnnnnnnnnn!

He then goes on to tell me about the ex’s and the “really tough time” he had for a couple years where he became dependent on alcohol and his ex broke up with him and said to him “you have an alcohol problem.” Later that year that girl killed herself and his father also committed suicide so the alcohol took control of him for a few years and……

Ok you get the picture HEAVY stuff…and Depressing and quite frankly rather Troubling. He has joined a Mens group and is feeling good about himself now. He never drinks (hence the pineapple juice) and exercises regularly.

So Good for Adam his life is finally shaping up – not so good for me. I think about my escape route. It’s been an hour and in all that time he never asked me one question it was all about him. To be frank, thats way too much information for the first ‘drinks’ date. I mean god, make a few jokes already?

I see my scarf on the chair and put it on and say: “It’s getting late I better go and feed my dog.” he looks at his watch and says “Do I only get an hour?” I said: “yes well its the first drinks date”. I get my coat and we walk to the car park. I say “Bye” and do my customary wave. Then I get in my car and drive way and I don’t look back.

THIS DATE: 4.8/10 (was over in an hour and no effort on my part)

Last night was the first date with Scott who I met on Oasis. We had been chatting for about a week, before he asked me out for a date.

Here is what I knew about him:



Works in an accountancy practice full time

Studying law full time by correspondence

Lives alone in St Leonards

Dark hair blue eyes

So we meet at 7.00pm. He was on time and wearing Jeans and a jumper. He looked great, and when I went in for the kiss hello he smelled great too.

He buys me a Coke. We go to the bistro and order for ourselves and pay for ourselves. We eat and chat easily. The trivia starts at 7.30pm so we make our way to the correct area.

I come up with a team name and we play 2 rounds of trivia. We have a good time and the conversation flows easily. He tells me about how he wants to get admitted into the UK Bar and not NSW bar (meaning he wants to be a barrister and practice in the UK). I instantly think that means he is looking to settle down into another country and I cant possibly settle down with him. I am disappointed.

I seek to clarify this point and he says “well if I get a scholarship over there then I will definitel go, but I still have 2 years of my degree to go and thats if I pass. You never know things might change and I might decide to live and work here in the future”. I am not buying it. Frankly he shouldn’t be selling it. Clearly he is looking for a casual fling girl and not a relationship girl. I tell him as much and he smiles and doesnt comment.


After the trivia (we came 2nd last) we leave. He walks me to my car and announces “I need to find the taxis” I offer him a lift back. He accepts as “its on the way”.

I drive him home and he says “I had a great time and would love to see you again.” I said: “OK”. He then leans in for the goodnight kiss. I figure its going to be a light peck but it turns into a rather passionate kiss (My first hunting-for-a-husband kiss!) and damn it was good! He gives me a look like he was going to say something but then leaves and says “catch ya later”.


I drive home thinking that the date was a success. He was really sweet, intelligent  and good looking. Had this have been the end of the story then this date might have scored a 7/10 BUT there is more…

As I am driving home I check my phone and there was a message from Brett. (He had texted me earlier in the night too)  I have been speaking to him for about a week online. He is absolutely gorgeous! And a real honey. A brief history of Brett is as follows:

– 32

-Lives in Artarmon

– A personal Trainer

– never been married – no kids

– 6’0”

 – Muscluar (did I mention the six pack?)

– has two tattoos.


– Brown eyes and Brown hair

This is part of his profile:

 “What I’m Looking For

I’m looking for a girl I can fall in love with and be my best friend too, a partner in crime, someone I can’t go a day without seeing. Someone to wake up next to and to hold in my arms while we fall asleep, someone to share all the good times and bad times…my other half. So obviously I’m looking for a serious relationship so if you’re not ready for that please just move on.

I have a broad spectrum of qualities I find attractive in a women, so please don’t feel intimidated just be yourself and I’ll find the good qualities in you.”

Impressive eh? I cant post his pics as this may invade his privacy but I tell you he has a body to Die For. Must be the personal trainer thing…

Every night Brett and I chat online and he was insistent that he didn’t want to meet because he wants to “get to know” me first. I think this was an admirable quality about him. I was happy to talk, and all my dates were disappointing and it was just lovely to chat to someone who had a real interest to get to know the real me. Fair to say that I am SUPER KEEN on Brett. I was sooo excited to get a text message from him at about 6.30pm (when I was on my way to the Scott date).

Here is our text conversation from before the Scott date:
BRETT: “I miss u L

ME: I thought u forgot about me! I miss you too baby.”

BRETT: I have been thinking about you heaps…What have you done to me J

ME: Will you be online later?

BRETT: Yeah I will be when I get home at about 9pm”

ME: I’m on my way to trivia now so wont be home until say 10.30….?

BRETT: Cool babe I’ll be up, speak to you then.

SO then I have the Scott date.

When I am on my way home I check my phone and see these messages from him:


BRETT: babe if your up for some fun tonight let me know and I’ll come over to your place and rock your world J


BRETT: Up for a late night?


ME: Sorry sweety phone was on silent! Be home in 10 we can chat then….

BRETT: Or I can come over?

ME: I thought you didnt want to meet just yet?

BRETT: Well I do but r u up for a late night?

BRETT: Babe, lets take a chance

ME: Depends what you had in mind, am happy to chat to you, am rather nervous about inviting a man I have never met into my home. U know its a bit scary. U could be sending me pictures of a different person and you could be a crazy person! I have to put my safety first.”

BRETT: I know it must be, but please dont be afraid I am the real deal. Only one way to be certain”

The conversation goes on like this until he calls me on my mobile, which had such bad reception that I gave him my land line. We chat easily for about half an hour.

He tells me all sorts of things about how he has never felt a connection with any girl before like he feels with me, and we are meant for each other, and he loves my voice and my pictures and admires what I do and that I work hard. He also says that he is lonely and had a fantastic day at work today because he landed a big contract and he wants to celebrate. He manages (somehow) to convince me with that sexy voice of his to allow him to come to my place. Mainly because nothing was open at that time of night to meet up. I was home in my pyjamas and thought OMG my house is a mess! So he calls me and says he is on his way. I give him directions to follow the Pacific Hwy and call me when he is in my suburb.

Meanwhile I am frantically cleaning !! The bathroom! The carpets need vacuuming (damn that dog!) the kitchen (thank god for the dishwasher) and my bedroom (you never know….?!)

After about 25mins I figure he should be here…. he hasn’t called so I call him and it keeps ringing no answer. Odd.

I use the time to change outfits, a sexy pair of trackies (is there such a thing?) and a cute top and a jacket (it was cold). Subtle natural make-up, and straighten the hair. No call from him. Its been an hour. The journey is 25mins….I call him again. No answer.

I begin to think this is all a HOAX! He isn’t even a real person. He has just set me up and wasted my time (Although its nice to have a clean apartment and look how pretty I look for bed! 

At about 12.23am I send this message “Where are you honey?”


I am shattered.

I go to bed and think he is an absolute jerk.

THEN the phone rings ..my mobile its him this is about 1.00am. I answer and a conversation takes place to the following effect:

HIM: Good evening Madam

ME: where are you??

HIM: Madam my name is Constable Jones from Hornsby Police station. Can you tell me who this phone belongs to?

ME: Is Brett

HIM: whats his last name?

ME: What? Why? Who are you ? and why do you have Bretts phone

HIM: Madam there has been an accident I need to identify the driver. You need to tell me his last name.

ME: I dont know it

HIM: Madam I have read your messages and it seems like you are his internet girlfriend?

(how embarrassing! Those messages are private (oh yeah I posted them in this blog, so i guess not)

ME: Is he ok?

HIM: I cant tell you I need to identify the gentleman involved. He has been taken in an ambulance to Hornsby Hospital


HIM: do you not know who he is? He has no id on him and I cant call his family.

ME: no sorry

That was that.

I then try and go back to sleep… HANG ON A SECOND! I do know his last name!!!!!!!! he has a tattoo of it!

I ring the police station and speak to a nice lady. I tell her the story and she says that they need to identify the driver.

I told her

The car he drives (I have seen a pic)

The two tattoos and what they say

A description of him

She says she will call me back

At about 2.00am she calls me back and says that the person is in fact Brett because he has those tattoos and that was his car.

She told me where the car crash happened. She says he been taken to Royal North Shore Hospital and she is very sorry.

I am devastated.

I try to sleep but found it difficult. I came into work this morning and I tell my secretary this story. She tells me that she saw the accident on the news this morning. The car hit a power pole.

I am very upset. I am feeling very guilty. He was on his way to see me. He was meant to call me when he got to my suburb he was only 1 minute away. I had no idea.

I ring the hospital this morning. They said he is sedated, ventilated and in intensive care and only family can visit.

I want to visit him, but lets face it, he won’t know who I am. I left my name and number with the nurse and asked her if she could tell him I called. She said she will pass on my details to the family. He was in a “serious” condition.

I think he could have been the One and maybe I will never know.

I am at a loss as to what to do.

(i did this post really quick so sorry for any errors but at this point in time I dont care!)


How could this be happening? This sort of stuff doesnt happen in my life. It sounds like a  made-up-sandra-bullock-bad-movie-script. And yet the whole thing is true. Guy 6 (Brett) was in a serious car accident on his way to our first date. Now he is in hospital and I am an emtional mess. On one level its ridiculous, after all we have NEVER MET! Why do I care? I liked him that’s why and the knowledge of what could have been and the part I played in his accident is just killing me.

Yesterday I received a call from Brett’s phone, it was his mother. She wanted to let me know what happened and she wanted some background information on what I knew about the events of that night.

I explained who I was and how I knew her son.

I asked if I could visit him. She told me that he was still in intensive care and they didn’t know what was going to happen. He is only allowed family. He has seen a neurosurgeon and he has broken bones and facial injuries and possibly some brain damage. She is hoping for the best, and so am I. She said she would let me know if there is any change in his condition but it is “touch and go for the next 24 hours”. That was 24 hours ago…. I need an update.  

I have decided that I am going to go and visit him, and see if he knows who I am. I can only do this when he gets transferred out of intensive care and is in a ward. I have a fear, that he would have no idea who I am. He may not want anything to do with me. If this is the case then I will walk away and move on. However, if he does remember me and if he is still keen, then I still want to see where things go. I accept his priorities will now be on getting better and his family and friends won’t want a strange internet girl in the way. So I will just have to play it by ear. I have no intention of just abandoning him and erasing him from my contacts as I have with all of the other dates. 

There is a real possibility that he has been chatting to several girls just like me and that they too were called as contacts in his phone, and they too will be in this predictament. The key difference is that I feel like I, in some way, contributed to what happened to him, he was after all on his way to see me…. 

Its just so goddamn depressing. 

What a hand fate has given me, I have no intention of folding though I shall play this hand to the river, and see if my luck changes…

PS I have a date tomorrow with Robert which was organised last Wednesday…am really tempted to cancel. The last thing I want to do is go on a date.